Jessica Alba slumming!

It's a beautiful day, kiddies! In a stunning surprise that shocked Hollywood, hot Latin honey Jessica Alba has fallen in with a low crowd, having been seen smooching with Boston lothario Matt McLaughlin. The local improviser brings nothing to the table, but there's something in that beard that Miss Sin City finds irresistible. Somebody set up an intervention.

The Rock eats babies!

Guten tag, mein kiddies. According to a recent room service bill from the Minneapolis Ramada, wrestling megahunk Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson breakfasts on two dozen poached chicks every day. Sources close to the tall-walking man-meat say that the morning routine -- which demands baby chickens of no more than three days old -- gives him the energy for his muscle-bound business. The Queen has placed a call to PETA, and hopefully this Scorpion King will become the Queen of the Jailhouse.

Lindsay Lohan and Tom Hanks in love nest!

Morning, beautiful kiddies! The Queen has just learned that hot starlet Lindsay Lohan has secretly set up an out-of-the-way place where she and superhunk Tom Hanks (Forrest Gump himself! sigh...) can have afternoon trysts. Apparently, La Lohan and Mr. Playtone met while volunteering for a save-the-otters benefit in Seattle, and they've been inseparable ever since. Adding to the bizarro factor, Rita Wilson (Mrs. Hanks, or so she claims) has apparently given the union her thumbs-up, even filming the various gruntings and groanings. Could it be? Has Joe finally met his volcano? The Queen wants to know!